Fancy Tail Story

I had a pretty life-changing moment when I realized I needed to get sober. I was 26 years old, and it felt like my life was coming to an end. I was so young; how could I feel so broken down and defeated? I had accomplished things in my life, and I had overcome adversity in many different ways, but I couldn't stop drinking. I don't think I wanted to stop even though I didn't want to feel this way anymore. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Life felt like I was on a treadmill going nowhere and everyone else was on those moving sidewalks in the airport that helped them walk so much faster. I wasn't moving even though I was giving my all.

I didn't lose my family, car, or house because I didn't have any of those things to lose. I was getting demoted from my job and every relationship in my life had a time limit. A very short time limit. I was a tornado of depression, fury, and loneliness and I was causing destruction everywhere I went.

I had a friend who had mentioned ways other people had gotten help, but I was different from those people. They had nothing left, but I had a job (kinda) and a life (not really). I was pretty delusional. That's the thing with a brain like mine, an alcoholic brain, it wants to tell me "I'm fine, it'll be different this time." Alcohol was my only solution for life. I didn't have a drinking problem, I had a life problem, a problem feeling anything, and drinking helped me run away from it. But drinking was now ruining my life, my solution wasn't working anymore. I was a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr(s). Hyde. Once I started drinking, I lost control. I didn't know what would happen. And every time I drank I chose to believe that the best-case scenario would happen. But that is never what actually happened. Blacking out, embarrassing myself, putting myself in harm's way, making terrible choices, spending all my money, and the list goes on.

So why am I sitting here with five years of sobriety now? Well, I had a moment of desperation and luckily, I knew what to do thanks to a few people who had planted the seeds over the years of where to go once I needed help.

I did a few google searches and I ended up at an old church in San Francisco on a Tuesday night. Then walked in Jewel* (not her real name). She approached me and I thought that she was way too cool to talk to me. But she came up and I felt like the tension that I had been holding onto for years started to release. She helped me realize I wasn't alone and I wasn't terminally unique in my misery. She helped me see that there are ways to stay sober, have fun, and enjoy life, one day at a time. Since meeting her and following a few suggestions, I have been able to turn my life around. I found a spirituality that works for me. I have found stability in my life even when the roller coasters of life still can feel overwhelming, it is no longer unmanageable because I am no longer alone. I found friends and am able to build relationships that no longer feel like they are ticking time bombs.

There is no one way to stay sober. There are many resources, programs, groups, etc. But I realized that my life, my sanity, and my happiness were worth doing the work. I don't have to earn love anymore. I get to set boundaries from a place of love, and I get to truly be there for my loved ones as my best self, even when my best self feels run down or tired. I have acceptance. I have faith. I have a life, because I got and stayed sober, one day at a time.

Anonymous Fancy Tail,